I haven’t written anything in a long time, my mind has been mostly closed off to the public, I don’t feel any thought has been ready for war, ready for the analysis of the general population/tiny minority of people who read this. Now, I feel like I’ve reigned in my thoughts and my mind, I am ready to write again.
In February, me and my beautiful girlfriend split up for reasons that I won’t go into. It absolutely destroyed me, I always kept up a ‘brave’ appearance around friends and family because I didn’t want anyone to see how much it affected me. Its no exaggeration to say that I quietly wept myself to sleep each and every night, I was truly devastated. I’d go off for long walks with no purpose or aim, just wander around so I didn’t have to go home and reconnect with the world that I hated living in (I truly hated everything around me, I felt like I had nothing left). Yes, some people will say (puts on a retarded voice) “you didn’t love her, you’d only been together 6 months, you’re doing it for attention.” And to you people, I say you’re fucking stupid. A length of time does not dictate how love works, I loved Emma before I was with her and I have ever since. I’d do anything for her. I gave up the Army for her because I’d rather live my life with her. I happily travel up and down to Blackpool whenever I can so I can see her. You still think I don’t love her? You don’t know love.
Luckily and thankfully enough though, we are now happily back together (as of 10th March 2013) and I couldn’t be happier. I feel like, no, I am the luckiest man in the world! I know every couple says they’re the luckiest and happiest ever but I really feel like I and Emma are. Emma gives me a feeling that no one else in the world ever could or has, she accepts me and my many many flaws. She loves me like I love her, that’s a feeling that I cannot explain or compare, its incredible! As is clear, I don’t hide the fact that I love her, why hide something that’s such a good thing that makes two people unimaginably happy? The distance (87.3 miles according to Google Maps, done my research) is only a minor inconvenience, it won’t stop me from loving her and wanting to be with her for the rest of my life. I know I’m not the most perfect boyfriend in the world, I’m far from it, I’ve done some incredibly stupid things, but I have been blessed with the most wonderful woman I could ever wish for. Emma is beautiful, funny, kind, caring, generous, all the qualities anyone could ever wish for, she’s perfect. I don’t care if you think I’ve changed or hate reading stuff like this and criticise me for it, I don’t care whatsoever. Just stop reading it or accept that I love her and I want to be open about it and get on with your life. I know what I feel will keep me connected to Emma forever, there is nothing that will take my love away, its everlasting. She’s my girlfriend and she’s my best friend, I trust her more than anyone in the world, I will always be so so thankful that I have her in my life. Emma is my world, my life.
I hope that you’re all grown up enough to accept that this is two young people happily in love and let us get on with our lives, I don’t want to hear any of this “you’re too young to know love is” bullshit. I’m 18 now, Emma is 18 in September just a few weeks after I’m 19, we’re grown up now. We know what love is because we’re experiencing it, anyone in a long term relationship will tell you that.
For no reason, here is one of my favourite Radiohead songs (2+2=5) that I happen to have stuck in my head. Enjoy.