Maybe its an inflated opinion of myself, maybe its over confidence, maybe its delusion but I have always thought of myself as a leader. I have always tried my best to lead by example (I’m talking mainly about sport, football to be precise but it applies to my career ambitions too) and to inspire those around me to also give their all, but I’m starting to wonder whether I’m just an idiot for thinking that.
Two of my all time heroes – Lieutenant-Colonel Terence Otway (9th Parachute Battalion, Royal Ulster Rifles, British 6th Airborne Division) and Major Richard Winters (Easy Company, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, US 101st Airborne Division), both WW2 heroes – were absolutely phenomenal leaders. Each inspired their men, looked death and defeat in the face and overcame it, looked after their men and did great things. I have always wanted to model myself on them, not just when I (hopefully) become a British Army Officer, but in everyday life. In both 5aside teams (Barearselona FC and Fake Madrid CF) I have tried to keep people’s spirits up, make sure everyone is okay, but also attempt to get the job done and points on the board. Now I’m wondering whether I’m any good at that at all. I’m not saying I’m on a par with my heroes, I never ever ever will be, they were absolutely phenomenal men, but I used to think that maybe I had the potential to be even a fraction as good as they were. I know what you might be thinking, I’m thinking it too, a true leader would never show weakness like this, but as this ramble shows, I’m pretty sure I’m not a true leader.
On the other hand, it could just be my mindset. I’m currently in the worst week of my life, starting off with me losing the absolute most precious and important part of my life on Monday – by which I mean I’m single again. Still in love with her too so that just makes it even harder. That added with another thumping defeat at 5aside AGAIN makes for a pretty downcast Jimmy. Maybe I’ll feel better about the leader situation in a few weeks, who knows? Its either my crisis of confidence and well being, or its life telling me that I’m a delusional idiot and to get my arse into gear. No idea. Either way, time will tell.
Congratulations if you read this far, I’d find it a task too. Good luck with your lives.